Funny(39)

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
Lily Tomlin

"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?"
Lily Tomlin

"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?"
Lily Tomlin

"You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog."
Harry S. Truman

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist."
Mark Twain

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
Oprah Winfrey

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
Steven Wright

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
Steven Wright

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
Steven Wright