Funny(39)

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen

"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?"
Fred Allen

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
Woody Allen

"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
Fred Allen

"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl."
Dave Barry

"It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate."
Dave Barry

"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."
George Burns

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
George Carlin

"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
George Carlin

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby